Andy and Nancy
Good day Deano,
My, it has been a very busy time in the world of politics lately. I had been meaning to write you earlier, but you know how it is, with all these summer activities. Actually, I’m holding out for a last minute invite to Barack Hussein’s 60th birthday gala. I figured I could go green and share a water taxi out to the vineyard. Maybe get a group rate with Oprah, Tommy Hanks, Meryl Streep, Hillary and Bill (unless Bill will be at Epstein Island that day), Beyoncé and JZ, Stevie Spielberg, Bobby De Niro, Bruce the boss, and Cher. From what I’ve heard, Cher has been celebrating Presidential birthday parties since Woodrow Wilson’s surprise 50th.
Well, I promised you last time that I would write to you in regards to that warm and fuzzy Madam, the effervescent Nancy Pelosi. But first, I think we have to address the railroading of the “gold standard” of the pandemic, the honorable Andy Cuomo. We will circle back to Ole Nanc a little later on.
Andy denies it all
It pains me Deano, to see your Pulitzer Prize winning, apolitical, unbiased news outlet join the lynch mob going after New York’s favorite son, Andy Cuomo. This in conjunction with CNN’s smear campaign, who by the way employs Andy’s brother Fredo, I mean Chris. This assault by the two most trusted news outlets, is an outrage. I mean shouldn’t you be focusing on the important issues like President Trump’s tax return from 1997, or the obvious Russian collusion that caused the lovely Hillary to go down in a ball of flames. What has happened to your apolitical reporting over there at The Old Gray Lady? Very disappointing Deano.
How can such political beacons of integrity such as Chuckie Schumer, Nancy Pelosi, Jerry Nadler and the ever competent Billie Deblasio turn their backs on Andy in his time of need. When they asked Joey his opinion, he said he thinks Mario is doing a great job and will beat Ed Koch in the next election! They reached out to Kamala, but she is touring Viet Nam and incommunicado, purportedly she is eating donuts on the same anti aircraft gun that Patriot Jane Fonda posed on all those years ago. President Trump is a racist.
The radical right says we-told-you-so about Andy
Well, as you can imagine the radical right is eating up all this negative coverage. They point to Andy’s video taped kissing and groping montage, that he showed after the NY attorney general Letitia James’ press conference. They referred to it as ridiculous, unhinged, and absurd—him blaming it on his parents and Italian heritage. I do have to admit though, as I am Italian, I don’t recall any events where cupping a woman’s breast under her shirt was deemed acceptable. Maybe Mario had a different set of rules for his kids, or that is an Italian custom that no one apparently knows about? I know many Italian’s are not happy with Andy boy’s explanation.
The right points out that this toxic, bullying, narcissistic behavior of Andy’s has been going on for years. It was kept in check by his squad, especially, the lovely Melissa DeRosa. Several past and present aides and representatives point out his vitriolic, volcanic attacks which invited an atmosphere of intimidation and fear. This in addition to the serial claims of sexual abuse and harassment. Published report’s even have his ex-wife Kerry Kennedy locking herself in a bathroom in fear of this hot tempered narcissistic sociopath. I think Andy may have blamed this on being Italian also.
Jumping on the bandwagon – what’s Andy to do?
They point out that just about every Democrat is jumping on the bandwagon attacking Andy. Well most are, those patron saints of the Democratic Party Bill and Hillary haven’t caved yet. Andy is even using ole Bill’s defense, just deny everything, fantastic strategy. Unless of course, someone shows up with a blue dress, then not so much. Maybe he could use Michael Avenatti (extortion, porn star expert) to represent him…when is he due out of prison anyway? Better scratch that one too.
Maybe he could focus on the thousands of seniors he sent to their deaths to take the heat off the sexual assault/harassment charges? Or possibly, the fudging of the numbers on the actual death count. Or possibly, using government workers to work on his fictional novel. Or possibly, the preferential treatment his family got for covid testing early during the plandemic.
I know…just blame all of this on being Italian. That should work. Maybe to lighten up the tension a bit, he could hand out cannolis at the impeachment trial. He could walk into the trial to the sounds of Dean Martin singing, when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. After all, his brother doesn’t call him the love gov for nothing.
Finally, when is your re election endorsement coming for Andy. He needs your usual support there Deano. Also, let’s try and stay focused here, your primary job is to malign President Trump and his family, ad nauseam!
Nancy, the devout Catholic (self proclaimed)
With all the turmoil going on within the Democratic party at least we can look to the angelic, grandmotherly figure, the legendary Nancy Pelosi. I ask you Deano, is there a more warm, fuzzy and honest person in politics, or media. Oh sure, there is always Hillary, Maxine, Joy Behar, Samantha Bee (classy lady who made crude comments about the Presidents daughter). I wonder how that comment would have flown if the same reference had been made against Barack and Michael’s daughter? The only one who might give ole Nanc a run for the money is, the lovely Jen Psaki. Have you ever seen a more honest, warm individual. Shame on the right for labeling her the female Joesph Goebbels, princess of propaganda.
Look at all that has transformed in the great state of California. They now have FREE camping throughout the state from Venice beach to her home district of San Francisco. Of course, you have to avoid the feces, urine, garbage and used syringes. I think that is a small price to pay for free camping, eh Deano? President Trump is a racist!
Free shopping in San Francisco
I understand they also have a free shopping program out there in San Fran. I see some of their respectable citizens filling up bags and suitcases with goods and just walking out the door. It is even encouraged by idle security guards. Odd though Walgreens, Target and the like are closing all around the city? Is it possible that Nancy is footing the bill with her estimated net worth of $196,000,000? Bravo Nancy, giving to the less fortunate. Now I see why you call yourself a “devout Catholic.”
I understand, gas is averaging $4.50 a gallon out there in sunny California. This shouldn’t effect Nancy though, you see her husband Paul is a savvy stock investor. As a matter of fact, he exercised some stock options on the tech giant Alphabet recently. It netted him approximately $5,300,000, well done Mr. Pelosi. Coincidentally, this transaction took place one week before The House Judiciary Committee pushed antitrust bill meant to reign in the unregulated power of big tech companies…such as Alphabet. How’s that for timing, huh Deano? When they questioned Nancy about the timing of this stock trade, she said, she knew nothing about this transaction.
There is that honesty thing again, from this self proclaimed “devout Catholic.” I understand where she is coming from though, sometimes my wife may grab a $5 or $10 from my wallet and not tell me. So, we are in the same boat, I don’t know every financial transaction that goes on at home either. So, ease up radical right with your screaming of gross impropriety!
Not all wine and roses
It hasn’t been all wine and roses for ole Nancy(well, maybe some wine). Recently there was a dust up in the Oval Office from unidentified sources. It seemed Nancy was to meet with Joey for some afternoon TV and snacks, in her case $13 pints of gourmet ice cream. Well, her and Joey got into it over what show they where going to watch. She wanting to watch Judge Judy and Joey wanting to watch his go to show, Matlock. Well, tempers flared and shouting ensued. By then, Doctor Jill came rushing in and put an end to it and gave them both a time out! So she laid out POTUS AND SOTH blankets for a nap and gave them their nightcaps.
Well, after about an hour they woke up, in a much better mood. Nancy took her teeth out of the glass holding them, and dove into some Rocky Road (her favorite, we’re told). Joey had his usual jello and fig newtons with milk, then they came to a compromise; they would watch Murder She Wrote. We are told Nancy especially likes this show as she used to babysit Angela Lansbury, when she was in college.
The infrastructure bill
Nancy is hard at work trying to get the roughly $1,000,000,000,000 infrastructure bill passed. She has recently said this will not pass unless the radical right votes in her additional $3,500,000,000,000 “infrastructure bill.” They would both be passed or neither would be passed, she declared.
When is the radical right going to realize that child tax credits, child care, paid family leave, the Dream act, a Civilian Climate Corps, Medicare expansion, amnesty for illegal aliens, mileage gas tax, advance racial equity and environmental justice, eliminate racial and gender inequities, etc, etc, etc, etc …are obviously considered infrastructure. Come on man, get with it Conservatives. Nancy has aligned herself with some of the most reasonable and respected representatives such as Bernie Sanders and AOC. Especially AOC, because she brokered that deal to bring all those jobs to New York with that Amazon deal…wait, wait we better scratch that one. In all fairness to AOC, I don’t think they teach those sort of things in Bartender school.
Done on Andy and Nancy
Well, that is it for today Deano. Any chance that you are going to Barack Hussein’s birthday bash? I was wondering, if I do get my invite, could I grab a lift in your limo. Or, if you like we could split an Uber together? Or will you be out in the tony diverse town of Larchmont California, where your estate is? Anyway, hope to see you there, maybe we can get an anti Trump chant with the ever even keeled Bobby DeNiro. I would love to find out if he is doing a sequel to his masterpiece The Intern, my personal favorite, or perhaps a sequel Dirty Grandpa?
Keep up the honest, apolitical, unbiased reporting there Deano. It must make you very proud to look at that front page of yours everyday. Let the others spew their propaganda, unlike them, you have no political agenda. Thank goodness for credible outlets like The Times and of course CNN. Your integrity knows no bounds. Just a fantastic example for all of our children. Well done Deano, we’ll done.